RECAP: The Amazing Race - "Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen (Switzerland)"

Probably the most frustrating part of the second-last episode of this season of TAR was the fact that, even though the teams were racing through Switzerland and all of the locations they visited were incredible, I was unable to enjoy it because I was too busy yelling at my TV every time Kent and Vyxsin showed their goddamn stupid faces. They've officially overtaken Mirna and Schmirna (Charla and Mirna from Season Whatever) as THE MOST ANNOYING TEAM IN AMAZING RACE HISTORY. CONGRATULATIONS. BULLET POINTS.

RECAP: The Amazing Race - "I Feel Like a Monkey in a Circus Parade (Kolkata, India)" and "You Don't Get Paid Unless You Win (Varanasi, India)"

I was going to post my TAR recap from two weeks ago last week, but my laziness once again prevailed, so here we are with a double recap. I'll make it brief, because I've got movies to watch tonight. Instead of a recap of the last two episodes, I'm just going to jot down some brief thoughts about the major events in each one.

• Luke and Margie got eliminated from the Race in the first of these two episodes, and it happened for a familiar reason: Luke's inability to deal with frustration. Once again he was faced with a Roadblock that turned out to be quite difficult for him (he had to find a specific cup of tea from among about 2000 cups, based solely on his memory of the taste and smell of some tea he'd tasted earlier in the day). Some teams found this task relatively easy (Ron and Jet quickly realized that the smell of the tea was fairly memorable, and were able to find their cups right away), but when Luke didn't immediately find his cup we saw almost an exact recreation of the events of the finale of his first season. Rather than tough it out like an adult, he started crying and moaning to his mother that the challenge was too hard. Certainly the task looked very difficult, and I'm sure chugging cup after cup of tea for hours on end is disgusting, but honestly, you're in a race for a million dollars; suck it up. Margie was incredibly supportive throughout the challenge, but even she admitted that once a challenge starts taking too long, Luke has a tendency to freak out and let his frustration get the best of him. Even the other teams and the tea room employees took pity on him, cheering him on as he struggled to finish the task. The most irritating part was that when he finally finished the task, it was clear that he had given up, and he basically sulked through the rest of the leg, even sitting down in a huff when they eventually reached the Pit Stop. For God's sake man, you're like 25 years old and you're on national television; stop throwing temper tantrums and act your goddamn age. As much as they started off a team that I wanted to cheer for, I'm not sad to see them go.
• Mallory continues to be adorably hilarious, as when she frantically raced down a street and right past the clue box because the other teams shouted that she needed to keep going. When she realized her mistake she ran back and playfully smacked the other teams. I can't remember ever seeing this level of camaraderie between the teams in any other iteration of the Race, and it's an interesting dynamic to see. I'm curious to find out whether it'll last to the end of the Race, or if things will get a bit more cutthroat down the line.
• Kisha and Jen didn't realize that their next clue after the Tea Room challenge was hidden under the lid of their tea bottle, and instead asked their cabbie to take them to the Snapple factory. When they realized their mistake, one of them (I don't know which) yelled "Get the fuck outta here!", which was a rare instance of swearing on the Race. I'm always surprised there's not more cursing on this show; I know I'd probably give the censors a run for their money if I was on the Race.
• The product placement in this episode was disgusting. The entire thing was sponsored by Snapple, and when Gary and Mallory came in first, they were rewarded with a special dinner provided by Snapple, and received the dubious honour of being the first people to taste two of Snapple's new Race-inspired flavours. Mallory in particular looked like hers was gross.
  
  
• In the second episode, the Cowboys made a huge mistake and ended up on a flight an hour later than every other team. However, the Roadblock had one member of each team trying to find six Indian holy men in the crowded streets of Varanasi, and Ron had such a hard time (he went in completely the wrong direction) that the Cowboys were able to catch up and pass Ron and Christina, eventually coming in fifth.
• Kent and Vyxsin (but mostly Kent) continued to enrage me this episode, with Kent first deciding to screw Gary over at the Roadblock (they had agreed to work together since Gary was having an easy time finding the individual holy men and Kent had already accidentally found the final holy man) by running away when Gary needed to follow him. Later Kent banged his head on their cab's trunk lid and decided immediately that this was the cabbie's fault, so he spent the rest of the ride berating the poor man. He then was such a pussy that he made Vyxsin carry BOTH OF THEIR GODDAMN BACKPACKS UP A FLIGHT OF STAIRS! This asshole really is unbelievable, and I kept wishing he'd get gored by a bull while they were there. Vyxsin was a bit annoying too; she freaked out when they accidentally started taking a boat instead of a cab and decided to jump into the river and pull the boat back to the dock. However, next to Kent, she was fine. Unfortunately Ron and Christina sucked just a bit more than Kent and Vyxsin, so it was the father/daughter team that was sent packing.
• Based on the preview it seems like Kent and Vyxsin are going to have a bit of a meltdown next week; Vyxsin was shown yelling at Kent that if they were eliminated she would never speak to him again, and my roommate and I were confused, because that just seems like a bonus for everyone involved. The preview also showed that the teams are headed to Austria, which I'm looking forward to; the European legs of the Race are always my favourite ones.

I'll try to get back on track and have a normal recap of the next episode on time next week. Until then, stay tuned.

RECAP: The Amazing Race - "Don't Ruin the Basketball Game (Kunming, China)"

Oh, Amazing Race. Every time I think you've learned your lesson, you go and piss me off yet again. Despite the fact that TAR is one of the best reality shows on television, it is not without its bad habits, and this week's episode was a prime example of that most hated of Amazing Race occurrences: bunching. Regardless of how far ahead or behind some teams might be, the producers decide WHO CARES?! It's not as though these people are RACING or anything! Let's have them arrive at a train station/airport/bus terminal, only to discover that they have to wait NINE HOURS for the next train/plane/bus; surely that won't piss ANYONE off!

RECAP: The Amazing Race - "This is the Most Stupid Day Ever (Lijang, China)"

I want you all to take a minute and look at that picture with me. This exercise is called "How Angry can Looking at a Pair of Human Beings Make Me?", and the answer to that question is (for me) "Extremely". Folks, I dare say that Kent and Vyxsin are the dumbest team I have ever seen on The Amazing Race, and that is saying A LOT. Keep in mind, this is a show that has featured the following:

• A girl who made her team lose because she wouldn't go down a water slide
• A team that thought a "battlement" was a person
• A team that couldn't unscramble the word "Franz" and instead took a 4 hour penalty
• Multiple teams getting angry at locals in foreign countries for not speaking fluent English

There are dozens of other instances that could have gone on that list, but I got lazy and didn't feel like trying to remember stupid things that had happened in past seasons. Regardless, I can't remember ever seeing a single team make more dumb mistakes in the course of a single episode in all the seasons of this show that I've watched.

RECAP: The Amazing Race - "We Had a Lot of Evil Spirits Apparently (Japan)"

If I were to go on The Amazing Race, here is a list of things I would not do:

1. I would not take with me a partner who was physically incapable of running The Amazing Race.
   
2. I would not start crying like a teenage girl who just found out that Justin Bieber is off the market at the first sign of any difficulty.
3. I would not pick a Detour that was CLEARLY entirely based on luck and was infinitely more difficult than the other branch.
4. I would not give up and quit the Race after (what seemed like) 20 minutes of trying a specific task.

In case you couldn't guess, we saw ALL of these things happen on Sunday's episode of The Amazing Race, and all from one particular team.

RECAP: The Amazing Race - "I Never Looked So Foolish in My Whole Entire Life (Outback)"

A couple of days late, a few bucks short; it's the latest recap of The Amazing Race, brought to you by your (least) favourite (un)faithful blogger. Ech. I just referred to myself as a blogger. Then again, I think you actually have to blog to be considered one of those, so maybe I'm in the clear.

RECAP: The Amazing Race - "Head Down and Hold On (Australia)"

The Amazing Race is back, which means it's time for these teams to address their UNFINISHED BUSINESS...at least according to the producers. It's not an all-star season, as some of these teams finished in 5th place or worse, and it's not a fan-favourite season either, as at least two of these teams are comprised of people that were nearly universally loathed in their respective seasons. Instead, we're given the subtitle "Unfinished Business"; in other words, these are teams that were eliminated thanks to some stupid little mistake that they made, and this (presumably) is their chance to redeem themselves.

RECAP: The Amazing Race - "They Don't Call It The Amazing Race For Nothin!"

The Amazing Race is back, which means we're in for another season of obnoxious Americanism, astounding stupidity, and (hopefully) entertaining challenges that will leave some teams in tears. All in all, last week's episode (yes, I know I'm a week late, give me a break; I'm lazy) was pretty good, although there really aren't any stand-out teams so far. There are a few teams that I like, but I'd be surprised if any of them actually won. Keep reading for the list of teams and a quick recap of the episode.

RECAP: Survivor - "Young at Heart"

I have kind of a weird relationship with Survivor. On the one hand, I can't honestly say that I actually like the show. The contestants are often irritating and/or terrible, and the producers are notorious for manipulating the footage to tell whatever story they want to tell, regardless of what is actually happening (i.e. Russell Hantz being portrayed as some sort of diabolical genius when in reality he's just a bully with a terrible social game who happened to find a large number of poorly hidden Immunity Idols). However, the production values, combined with pretty consistently entertaining challenges and gorgeous locations keep me coming back. This season appears to be no different, as the contestants seem like they're probably going to piss me off quite a bit, while the challenges (if the first one is any indication) will be as exciting as ever. The full recap is after the jump.

RECAP: Hell's Kitchen - "14 Chefs Compete" and "13 Chefs Compete"

It's usually around the fourth or fifth episode of a reality show that you're really able to decide who it is that you'll be cheering for over the duration of the season, and who you'll be wishing would trip and fall into a deep fryer full of boiling oil. Hell's Kitchen is no different, and I've officially got my picks for the season, both for who I'll be cheering for to go far in the competition and for who I think will actually win the thing. More on that, plus the full recap, after the jump.

RECAP: Hell's Kitchen - "15 Chefs Compete"

Hell's Kitchen is one of those shows that I watch and understand that there are very few redeeming qualities. As I mentioned last week, the chefs are typically chosen more for their entertainment value than for their cooking ability, and so you end up with a show primarily comprised of two types of people: mediocre chefs desperately trying to impress Chef Ramsay in an attempt to escape their shitty lives, and actors masquerading as chefs who are only on the show to get their 15 minutes of fame and who don't really care whether they win or not. It gets pretty easy to spot the contestants who actually care about whether or not they succeed as chefs, as they tend to actually apply Ramsay's advice.

The show isn't quite at Big Brother levels of inanity (and don't you worry, I'll be bringing that inanity to this blog soon enough), but there's something about watching idiotic people pretend to be chefs that is innately fascinating. This week's episode was no different from usual, providing us with a healthy dose of drama combined with more than a fair share of stupidity, and rounded off nicely with Gordon Ramsay's patented brand of rage. Read on for the full recap.

RECAP: Hell's Kitchen - "16 Chefs Compete"

It's that time of the year again; that time when 16 wannabe chefs (most of whom are in all likelihood chosen for their ability to create TV drama rather than for their cooking ability) subject themselves to virtually endless tantrums and abuse from chef Gordon Ramsay. This season, the winner will become the "head chef" of Ramsay's new restaurant at the Savoy Hotel in London, England (although not really, as the winners of the show historically have never actually become head chefs, but rather a senior chef working under someone else). After the jump, you can read the full recap.