Saturday, May 7, 2011

RECAP: The Amazing Race - "Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen (Switzerland)"


Probably the most frustrating part of the second-last episode of this season of TAR was the fact that, even though the teams were racing through Switzerland and all of the locations they visited were incredible, I was unable to enjoy it because I was too busy yelling at my TV every time Kent and Vyxsin showed their goddamn stupid faces. They've officially overtaken Mirna and Schmirna (Charla and Mirna from Season Whatever) as THE MOST ANNOYING TEAM IN AMAZING RACE HISTORY. CONGRATULATIONS. BULLET POINTS.
  • The episode didn't feature a lot of travelling; essentially teams stayed around the area of the Matterhorn (possibly the coolest mountain I've ever seen). They took helicopters up to the mountain and immediately started the Detour.
  • YET AGAIN we are faced with a Detour with one task that is OBVIOUSLY MORE DIFFICULT than the other, yet Zev/Justin and Gary/Mallory didn't realize this was the case. The Detour offered either Search, where teams had to hunt for a buried dummy and dig it out of the frozen snow, or Rescue, where one team member had to be lowered into a crevasse, attach a hook to a guy, and be pulled back up. Rescue was obviously the quicker, easier choice (although I felt sorry for the poor guys who just had to hang out in a crevasse all morning waiting for a team to come and get them out), and all teams that did this task breezed through it (even Kent and Vyxsin, although from listening to Kent bitch about every single part of this task you'd have thought he was having teeth pulled--"Down Vyxsin! STOP! UP! DOWN! VYXSIIIIIINNNNNN!!! STOOOOOOPPPPPP! PULL ME UPPPPP!!!" I wish I could shoot a bow and arrow through my TV!). Gary and Mallory arrived at the Search task after Zev/Justin, but managed to finish it much faster. Zev seemed fairly useless in this task, and it was all Justin could do to not get angry with him. They finished the task eventually, but it looked like they were a good 20-30 minutes behind everyone else at that point.
  • The Roadblock immediately followed the Detour, and had one team member creating a chocolate Travelocity Gnome (of course, because what would an episode of TAR be without GRATUITOUS PRODUCT PLACEMENT?) by painting both halves of a mold with (hopefully) edible paint, filling it with chocolate, and allowing it to cool outside in the snow for 30 minutes. Apparently this task actually took about 3-4 hours, and I would have gone insane had I been there, because once again Kent would not SHUT THE FUCK UP from the sidelines. He even got under Mallory's skin, and she claimed that she would never be able to stand having Kent as a partner, because he's "like a broken record, on and on and on". There was some drama when Vyxsin stole part of Flight Time's mold and he had to start over. It seemed obvious that she had stolen it, but she claimed innocence and the task overseers opted not to do anything about it. This didn't sit well with Big Easy, and he started talking shit from the sidelines (note: a 6'10", 275lbs man talking shit is a terrifying sight to see). Kent acted tough, but only when Big Easy wasn't looking, because Kent is a GIGANTIC PUSSY. I kept wishing someone would just punch him in his stupid goddamn face (maybe it'd fix some of the AWFUL PLASTIC SURGERY he's had. Seriously, the guy looks like a half-assed Michael Jackson).
  • Zev finished the task after everyone else, and it looked like this was going to be it for my new pick to win the season (I can't remember if I mentioned it last recap, but now that the Cowboys are gone, Zev and Justin are my team). However, Kent and Vyxsin are IDIOTS, and neglected to read their clue properly. It distinctly said they needed to reach the Pit Stop ON FOOT, and they instead took a cab, thus receiving a 30-minute penalty when they arrived. Despite getting lost on the way, Zev and Justin managed to check in with about 5-10 minutes left on the Goths' penalty.
  • So it was that Kent and Vyxsin were eliminated from The Amazing Race, and I thrust my arms in the air and yelled in victory. And then promptly started yelling at my TV again, because Kent is such a GODDAMN ASSHOLE that he decided to blame their misfortune ENTIRELY on Vyxsin, demanding to know why she hadn't read the clue properly, even though he grabbed the clue from her and read it multiple times. This has to be the most ridiculous relationship I've ever seen. They're both completely awful, but at least Vyxsin seems nice sometimes. Kent just seems like the worst person on the planet to be around. Their relationship is actually borderline abusive (although not physically, like Jon and Victoria); Kent is constantly putting Vyxsin down and blaming everything on her, even though she would have done better on the Race with ALMOST ANYONE ELSE as her teammate. He never stopped whining about anything, she literally had to drag him along behind her, and his attitude was never anything but negative. I don't think there's a person on the planet who's sad to see them leave.
And that's it for this week's recap. Sunday is the 2-hour finale, and I'll try to be a bit quicker about getting the recap for that one up sooner. Stay tuned.

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