RECAP: The Amazing Race - "You're Like Jason Bourne, Right?"

This week's episode was one of those ones that I can't really decide whether I liked or not. The challenges were pretty weak (again), but there was quite a bit of cab drama, and stupid decisions by a number of teams combined with temporally skewed challenges (i.e., one challenge took significantly longer than the other, although the second one took some skill) to completely reverse the order of check-ins from last week. Read more for the full recap.

We began with a glimpse of the 7-Up dinner that Steve and Allie won last leg (how exciting), before teams had to take a ferry and then a plane to Penang, Malaysia. Steve and Allie are now without their luggage, which actually would add a bit of a twist, if they were to go someplace cold (as they only have the clothes they were wearing, and would be forced to spend some of their money on warm clothing). The Detectives were nice enough to donate some clothes to Steve while they waited for the ferry.

This episode saw the Detectives and the Models further explaining their alliance. Louie and Michael view Brent and Caite as some sort of surrogate children, and Louie claimed that anyone would be proud to call the Models their children (I tried to think of something funny to say about this, but it's such a stupid statement that it speaks for itself. I wouldn't really expect more from someone who is being investigated for connections to a cocaine ring). The Models are referring to Louie and Michael as the "Daddies" (again, there are no words), and I'm referring to both teams as the Goddamn Idiots. As an alliance, they've targeted the Lesbians, which I actually don't mind, because I can't stand Carol and Brandy. As much as they might be running a good Race, their bickering and overall negative attitudes have really gotten under my skin, and I can't wait for them to be eliminated.

All teams were on the same plane to Malaysia, and Jet commented that they were currently tied for sixth, with Cord adding "and first." From the airport, they had to go to the Snake Temple, where live snakes were curled around the Clue Box. I was expecting a bit more drama from this (hoping that someone would freak out because of the snakes), but teams just grabbed their clues and continued on to the Detour, a choice between Buddhist Tradition and Chinese Custom. In Buddhist Tradition, teams had to go to a temple, chose a set of 12 giant incense sticks, carry them up 150 steps, and place them in giant burners before igniting them. It sounded easy, but the incense sticks really were pretty big, and most of the teams could only carry 2 at a time. In Chinese Custom, teams went to a park, chose a pair of 32-foot-long flagpoles (with enormous flags attached), and balance them on their foreheads while walking 120 feet across the park without dropping them.

The Cowboys, still in last place (after losing their cab and having to wait for another one), were the only team to initially choose the Chinese Custom, and this decision benefited them for the rest of the leg. Cord did the Detour in one try, and it only took Jet a few times to get it right, and then they were off to a seaside village called Teluk Bahang.

The Buddhist Tradition Detour turned out to be extremely slow and tiring, as for most teams it amounted to 6 trips up and down the stairs in the blazing Malaysia heat before they were finished. Brent complained about the heat, whining that he wished "God would turn on the air conditioning." Yep, and we wish The Amazing Race would stop broadcasting your stupidity each week. The Detectives, the Brothers, and Steve and Allie (I still don't have a name for this team, as Father/Daughter takes just as long to type out as their actual names), got stuck in traffic on the way to the Detour, and Dan, Jordan, Steve, and Allie all elected to get out of their cabs and run the rest of the way after their drivers told them it was only a 4 or 5 minute walk. This created some pretty interesting drama, as it turned out to be an uphill walk, and both teams got lost. Steve and Allie's cab driver found them again, but then he didn't know where they were going (he actually told them he didn't know where their destination was, but when Steve didn't hear him and asked again, he changed his answer to "No problem"). Steve and Allie eventually decided to go to the Chinese Tradition Detour, because their driver actually knew where that one was, but as soon as they got there Allie decided she wouldn't be able to do it, and they had to go back.

Jet and Cord were the first to the next Clue Box, where they found their Speed Bump. They had to go to a tropical spice garden, find a woman crushing spices, then smell the spices and decide which of three different teas was made from that particular spice. They then had to deliver the tea to a guru on a giant swing. The task was absurdly easy, as it looked like the guru was only 20 yards or so away from the spice woman (although the Cowboys got it wrong on their first try). The only really interesting part of the Speed Bump was that it forced them to take a cab 5 kilometres away from the Roadblock--usually the Speed Bumps take place right next to the Roadblock, so that once they're done, teams can get right back into the Race. It ended up not being a problem, however, as Jet and Cord finished their Speed Bump and still made it back to the Roadblock before any other team got there.

At the Roadblock, one team member had to smash coconuts until they found one with a bright colour inside, then build a traditional Hindu offering called a "float" and present it to a Gurukkal, who would send it out to sea and give them their next clue. Jet did the Roadblock as Cord wore both of their cowboy hats, and Jet commented on his inexperience with "arts and crafts" as he constructed the float.

Back at the Detour, we once more saw how out of shape Louie is. The guy sounded like he was dying, hacking and coughing as he carried the incense sticks up the stairs. The Models finished the Detour first, but then got a shitty cab driver who took them to the wrong place, so the Lesbians were able to pass them and get to the Roadblock in second place. They arrived just as the Cowboys were driving away, and were stunned that Jet and Cord could be so far ahead. Again, it was really more about how skewed the challenges were. Any team who could balance the flagpoles on their heads properly could finish that Detour in about a minute, while the other one probably took 20-30 minutes.

After the Roadblock, the Cowboys went to the Pit Stop, the Pinang Peranakan Mansion in George Town. Jet and Cord checked in first, crushing the competition and becoming the first team in the history of The Amazing Race to go from last place in a non-elimination leg, complete the Detour, the Speed Bump, and the Roadblock, and check in first. The Lesbians arrived second (dammit), and Phil stayed silent as they spoke for him, first indicating when his eyebrow would go up, then speaking his lines for him. As much as I hate that team, that was pretty hilarious.

The Detectives and the Models checked in third and fourth, respectively, and the editors tried to give us a bit of suspense as to whether Steve and Allie or the Brothers would come in fifth. However, being as the Brothers had finished the Roadblock by the time Steve and Allie showed up to it, and were so clearly ahead, this suspense didn't really work. Steve and Allie checked in last and were eliminated.

Almost all of the drama in this episode came from the teams' interactions with their cab drivers. From Team Bro's lunatic cab driver at the beginning, to almost every team losing their cabs at the Snake Temple, to the Models' driver taking them to the wrong place, the cab drivers created a lot of stress for a lot of teams. The Brothers and Steve and Allie made a terrible decision in getting out of their cab in the first place, and Steve and Allie paid the price for it. It's amazing to me how many cab drivers on this show have no idea where they're going. I understand it's probably because the producers choose more obscure locations to create this drama, but a lot of drivers just outright lie when they're asked whether or not they know where something is. Teams only find out that they've been lied to when the cabbie has to stop and ask for directions. I also wonder about these cab drivers who inevitably show up every season and pick up a team, then have to stop for gas. It's possible that the teams are asking them to go much further than the drivers expected, but it's also possible (or likely) that they're doing it out of spite, because fuck these loud, obnoxious Americans who keep yelling "Fast, fast, fast!" in their ear in a shitty approximation of the local accent.

Interesting to note in this episode was the fact that the order of check-ins was completely reversed from last week. I know I've forgotten to list the rankings for the last few posts, but if you go on Wikipedia they've got a chart that shows the weekly rankings, and you'll see what I'm talking about. Here are this week's rankings:

1. Jet and Cord, Cowboys/Brothers (I keep forgetting that these two are brothers)

2. Carol and Brandy, Lesbians

3. Louie and Michael, Detectives

4. Brent and Caite, Dating Models

5. Dan and Jordan, Brothers