RECAP: The Amazing Race - "I Feel Like I'm In, Like, Sicily"

With only two legs to go in The Amazing Race, you'd think that teams would be stepping their games up a bit and trying to avoid the types of stupid mistakes that they had been making so far. Not so, apparently, as last night's episode featured a number of errors from every team but the Cowboys. I'd like to think that the teams that make it to the end are the best of the best, but since the teams this season have ranged from impressively stupid to borderline retarded, that's not saying much. They're still making asinine mistakes by note reading their clues closely enough, or by not paying attention to their surroundings, or by getting overly frustrated when the locals don't speak English. Read on for the full recap.

This week's episode began with a dramatic recap of the rivalry between the Models and the Lesbians, culminating in the U-Turn fiasco of two weeks ago. I personally didn't think the rivalry had been as epic as the show made it seem, so I guess you have to hand it to the producers for wringing some extra drama out of what was essentially a petty issue. Teams had to travel from Singapore to Shanghai, China, then take a cab to the town of Zhujiajiao. In the cab, Caite bragged about being the last woman standing (*eyeroll, dismissive wank*), despite not having actually done anything to make that happen--her success seems like the result of other peoples' mistakes. We learned a bit more about the Cowboys, finding out that Jet has a wife and child, and Cord had just gotten engaged before the Race.

The teams met up at the Singapore Airport, and as they ate Caite sang her own praises, declaring her brilliance for U-Turning the Lesbians. Dan and Jordan were stunned by this; they knew it would have been a much smarter move to U-Turn the Cowboys, as Jet and Cord are probably the strongest team left, despite often making some stupid moves.

Once they got to Shanghai, the Cowboys and Models took a huge lead by getting cab drivers who actually knew where they were going. The Detectives and the Bros got hopelessly lost, and never managed to fully catch up for the rest of the leg. As the teams traveled by boat down the canals of Zhujiajiao, they commented on how beautiful the city was, with Caite saying that it seemed "fake, like it's not real." What? Jet called the city tranquil, then immediately had to explain to Cord what "tranquil" means. Sigh. Every time I start to forget how dumb the Cowboys actually are, they make sure to remind me.

At the Roadblock, one team member had to make 1 kg of noodles by hand before receiving their clue from He Pingping, the world's shortest man. Caite arrived first, greeting Pingping like he was a kitten, while Jet and Cord were just freaked out by him, commenting that if he were to jump out of your trash, he'd scare the hell out of you. Why the hell would he be in your trash? Guuhhhhhh...

As their cab driver attempted to figure out where he was going, Dan said that he felt "like he was in the movie Behind Enemy Lines" because they couldn't communicate with anyone. Despite having become a more likable team by not bickering so much, Dan is probably one of the most offensive team members I've seen on this show in a long time (probably since Jaime in season 14). If you're going to be on a show like this, why would you not try to censor your ignorant Americanism? You know the producers are going to jump all over it like flies on shit; why give them that opportunity?

The Cowboys leaped ahead at this challenge, as Jet got the hang of noodle-making fairly quickly, while Caite sucked at it (Brent wasn't helping any by sitting on the sidelines and criticizing her non-stop). The Detectives and the Brothers finally caught up, but the other teams were almost done. The Cowboys finished the Roadblock well ahead of the others, and moved on. Teams now had to travel to Shanghai's fashion district and go inside a fashion house. They would pick a model holding a sketch of an outfit, then search through a warehouse full of clothes for the individual pieces of the outfit for the model to try on. The Cowboys were funny as usual, with Cord stating "Don't let the clothes fool you...we're into the fashion world." Jet was worried about Jordan showing up, believing that the gay guy would finish the fashion challenge quickly. Ugh. Michael later voiced the same concerns. Despite not getting it right on their first try, the Cowboys still finished before anyone else even got there.

Back at the Roadblock, Jordan broke down, as he couldn't get the technique right. In a nice change of pace, Dan never yelled at him; in fact he walked over and stopped Jordan for a moment to give him a hug and some words of encouragement. A little sappy, but infinitely preferable to listening to them bicker non-stop like they did in the early episodes of the season. The Models finished the fashion challenge relatively quickly, but the Detectives arrived, got the clue, but then instead of walking in the door DIRECTLY BESIDE the clue box, they walked down the street and got completely lost, allowing Dan and Jordan to catch up to them. The two teams finished the fashion challenge at roughly the same time, after each realizing that their model was wearing the stockings that the other team's model needed.

After the fashion challenge, the teams made their way to the Hongkou Football Stadium, where for the first time ever, there was a second Roadblock in the same leg. In a twist that Phil claimed teams "could never have predicted" but that seemed fairly obvious to anyone with a brain, the person who sat out the first challenge had to do this one. The team member had to assemble a giant 96-card puzzle, then hand the cards in order to a group of people sitting in the stands. The people would flip the cards over, and if they'd been assembled correctly, the flipped cards would display the location of a seat somewhere in the stadium where teams could find their next clue. The challenge was difficult enough, but it was made more so by the strong wind that kept gusting through the stadium. Brent and Cord almost had their puzzles complete when a huge burst of wind sent their pieces flying everywhere; Cord smartly stayed at his puzzle and used his sweater, backpack, belt buckle, and some nearby folding chairs to hold down the pieces, while Brent chased his pieces across the field, allowing the rest of his puzzle to blow away and basically causing himself to have to start from scratch. Arriving at the stadium, Louie once again displayed his phenomenal lack of fitness, hacking and coughing all over the place after what looked like a 30-second run. Cord finished his puzzle ahead of the others, and the Cowboys checked in first at the Pit Stop: the Shanghai Science and Technology Museum. Brent and Caite checked in second, leaving the Bros and the Detectives in a race to complete their puzzles. Michael was trying to do the puzzle one piece at a time by flipping through a stack of pieces, rather than laying them all out like everyone else had--it ended up being the least efficient way possible, and it caused the Detectives to finish last. Despite giving some obligatory pre-elimination speeches, it didn't come as much of a surprise that this was a non-elimination leg and the Detectives were spared. I believe the next episode is the 2-hour finale, and the episode preceding it is almost always a non-elimination one, leaving four teams for the finale, with one to be eliminated in the first hour.

Despite having some decent challenges, the episode felt somewhat lackluster. I didn't get the sense of urgency that usually drives teams forward at this point of the race, which is puzzling, because they are coming into the final legs. Louie and Michael were completely resigned when they realized that Dan had finished his puzzle, but it seemed obvious that this would be a non-elimination leg, so I didn't understand why they wouldn't go as fast as they could, so as not to be way behind on the next leg (as they'll have to do a Speed Bump challenge in addition to the other challenges).

The episode was dedicated to the memory of He Pingping, who passed away back in mid-March. From the previews, next week's episode looks like it's going to piss me off, as it showed Brent and Caite doing ignorant impressions of the locals, and Dan and Jordan throwing temper tantrums in the back of a cab when their driver didn't do exactly as they instructed. Also, the episode's title is "They Don't Even Understand Their Own Language," which just makes me want to punch something.

Standings

1. Jet and Cord, Cowboy Brothers

2. Brent and Caite, Dating Models

3. Dan and Jordan, Brothers

4. Louie and Michael, Detectives