RECAP: The Amazing Race - "Huger Than Huge"

Well, it's finally over. After 12 legs, The Amazing Race 16 overcame the relatively low standards that it has been setting all season long and actually presented us with a really entertaining season finale. We saw screw-ups, meltdowns, and more asinine behaviour (mostly from one team in particular), as well as some great teamwork and a final dramatic showdown that had been building for a long time. After the jump I'll reveal the winners and give the full recap.

Despite the fact that my team didn't win this season, I'm actually OK with the actual outcome. Yes, the Bros pulled together when it really counted and made Jordan's dream come true, winning The Amazing Race. The Cowboys, easily the strongest team and the odds-on favourite to win the whole thing fell behind early and had difficulty with one of the challenges, and were never able to make up the time. The Models were behind almost immediately, and continually made costly errors that ensured they didn't even have a chance of winning.

Teams began by flying from Shanghai, China, to San Francisco, California. As has become par for this season, we saw an enormous equalizer start of the leg, with teams arriving at the airport at night and having to wait until 10:45 the next morning to book their flights. The drama started early, when the Bros arrived something like 6 hours after the other teams. Brent and Caite were sleeping against the counter, while Jet and Cord were in the middle of the floor, and Jordan put his backpack down in front of the Cowboys. It wasn't until the ticket counter opened that Jet and Cord realized that the Bros actually intended to cut in front of them in line, and we saw them get angry for the first time this season, with Jet saying that "If they want to drop the gloves, I can drop the gloves." He didn't, but the animosity stuck around for the rest of the leg.

All teams were on the same flight, but Dan sweet-talked a flight attendant into letting him and Jordan move up to first class. This turned out to be a huge advantage, as they were able to get off the plane well before the other two teams (according to the way the show was edited, Dan and Jordan were able to get in a cab and drive off before the Cowboys even got off the plane). Teams travelled to Battery Godfrey, a military outpost overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge to get their next clue. At least, most teams did. Brent and Caite's cab driver didn't know where he was going, causing the first of many meltdowns the Models would experience throughout the day. The cabbie's first language wasn't English, so of course the Models bitched ignorantly about that, with Caite actually calling him a dumbass even though he was 2 feet away from her.

The clue at the Battery was a riddle that sent teams to Coit Tower. Dan and Jordan were able to get a man riding past on a bicycle to help them, prompting Jordan to declare that "People who ride bicycles are smart. It's a general rule." Huh. Hadn't heard that one. Cord immediately solved the riddle, as he had purchased a San Francisco guidebook in Shanghai and had spent the plane trip reading it.

At Coit Tower, teams faced a Roadblock in which one member had to use an ascender to climb 120 feet to the archways at the top of the tower to get their next clue (reminiscent of one of the later challenges in season 5). Dan made fairly quick work of the challenge, finishing before Cord could get started. Cord finished quickly as well, and the teams were off to the Yoda Fountain outside Industrial Light and Magic. Meanwhile, Brent and Caite finally got directions and were able to find the Battery. To his credit, Brent did apologize to the cab driver when they got out. They then found someone who solved their riddle for them, and continued trying to catch up to the others.

At Industrial Light and Magic, Darth Vader and a group of Stormtroopers awaited the team. As they drove up, Jordan explained that "I know what Yoda looks like; I've seen Star Wars...I mean I haven't seen the movie but..." But you're a goddamn idiot? We saw one of the coolest challenges of the season, with one team member (the Searcher) donning a motion capture suit and their partner (the Director) guiding them through a virtual course (apparently a level from a video game). An incredible level of detail had gone into the challenge, as the avatars for each player actually looked a lot like them. The tricky part was that only the Director could see where the Searcher was going (they had a 1st person view of what the character would see), while the Searcher was just standing in a big empty room, with no indication of where the course was. Dan and Jordan started bickering again, and when the Cowboys showed up, Cord started to fuck with them, shouting out nonsense directions to mix them up. Dan was clearly flustered by this, but managed to keep his composure (for the most part) and continue to guide Jordan. They had another mini-confrontation when Jordan ended up in Jet's way and was unable to move (and presumably due to Race rules, Jet wasn't allowed to push him aside). Cord told Dan to get Jordan to move, and Dan kindly told Cord to shut the fuck up. When the Searcher reached the end of two levels, a clue would spin around the screen in 3D, and teams had to figure out that the Searcher would have to spin in circles for the Director to be able to read the entire thing. Dan and Jordan figured this out somewhat quickly, but Cord seemed to take forever to understand it. I wasn't really sure why they had so much trouble; Jet had just watched Jordan spin in a circle for several minutes while Dan figured out the clue, and Dan was right beside Cord in the Director's room, so he would have overheard the instructions. Regardless of why it took them so long, by the time the Cowboys completed the challenge the Models had caught up to them and they finished at the same time. However, after they left the Models realized that they had left their belongings behind, and had to turn back; we didn't see them again until they crossed the finish line in last place.

The spinning clue instructed teams to travel to a tiki bar called the Tonga Room, where they had to retrieve a large steamer trunk and carry it to their next destination 15 minutes away, The Great American Music Hall. Dan and Jordan seemed to have a lot of trouble with their trunk, smashing it into each others' legs, while Jet and Cord, who are not fantastically retarded, carried it sideways and were able to run with it. They were so far behind, however, that it didn't really make a difference. At the Great American Music Hall, teams were presented with one of the lamer final challenges in recent memory: they had to take 11 psychedelic posters from their trunk (8 of which represented eliminated teams, and the other 3 represented non-elimination legs) and hang them in the correct order. Of course, every season typically has some sort of memory challenge at the end, so both the Bros and the Cowboys had written down the order (although it took the Cowboys a bit longer to get it right, due to some confusion about the placement of the non-elimination posters). It was disappointing to see a challenge so simple, as this was really the only chance the Cowboys would have had to catch up to the Bros. It wasn't exactly surprising, since a lot of the challenges this season have been so easy a drunk 5-year-old could do them, but it was still disappointing (I kept thinking about the Surfboard Roadblock from season 14, and what a difficult challenge that was, but how intense it made the show feel). Upon completing that challenge, teams were given a final riddle, and again both the Bros and the Cowboys immediately figured out that the clue was directing them to Candlestick Stadium. The producers tried to give us a bit of cab drama, as the Bros apparently couldn't find one, but they still finished well ahead of the Cowboys, and therefore Dan and Jordan became the winners of The Amazing Race 16. Jet and Cord came in second, and Brent and Caite brought up the rear.

It was after all three teams had reached the Finish Line that the sparks really started to fly. When the Models entered, Carol sarcastically slow-clapped, and Brandy continued her trend of being a mean, unlikable bitch by not clapping at all, then by rolling her eyes when Caite claimed that she had proved her intelligence. I kept expecting her to throw a dismissive wanking motion in there somewhere. Look, we agree with you that Caite is an idiot, but she proves that on her own; we don't need you to point it out to us. All that does is make you look like a brat. Brandy wasn't satisfied there, however, and went on a rant about how Caite doesn't seem to think logically. Caite tried to apologize for U-Turning them, but Brandy rejected the apology. Again, we understand that Caite is stupid, and you're just making yourself look bad by going on a rant like this. After that speech, no one is going to remember that the Lesbians were actually a fairly strong team; we're going to remember that they were a pair of obnoxious, snobbish shrews who took something that happened in a goddamn reality TV show personally and ended up lowering themselves to Caite's level of pettiness and inanity. Fortunately, after that scene Jeff lightened the mood by joking that "maybe reality TV's not for me" since he can't seem to win.

On the whole, this has been one of the weakest seasons of The Amazing Race that I've seen. Granted, I've only seen 5 or 6 seasons, so it's possible that there are much weaker ones out there, but this season seemed to have stupidity as its central theme. I'm not overly upset that Dan and Jordan won, although they definitely didn't deserve it as much as the Cowboys. It's really just that for once I'd like to see the good guys win on this show. There have been very few teams that won that I was cheering for the entire way (the only one I can think of is Uchenna and Joyce from season 7, and even them I only started cheering for about three-quarters of the way through the Race). Dan and Jordan bickered a lot early in the Race, and their irritating voices shouting "Bro" every five seconds got old really quickly. Add to that Dan's repeated ignorant comments as they travelled abroad, and you had a team that was potentially really terrible. It was only their determination to encourage each other that made them tolerable. They really made an effort to be supportive of each other, which despite their flaws you have to admire. There were a lot of awful teams, but from the masses emerged probably the most likable team I've ever seen: Jet and Cord. Although I'm sure they did want to win the money, the way they presented themselves made it seem like the money was only secondary to the experience. They were all about having fun, and it was incredibly rare for them to let the pressures of the Race get to them. They never bickered with each other, and got along well with almost every other team. Hopefully TAR will do another All-Star season, and the Cowboy Brothers will be back. Oh My Gravy!!

In unrelated news, I haven't decided what show I'll start recapping to replace TAR while it's on hiatus. I don't want to start in the middle of a show, and I'm not going to watch a stupid show just for the sake of being able to write recaps, so it's possible that I might wait until June 1st to start recapping the 7th season of Hell's Kitchen. Come to think of it, I'll also have to find something to recap once Lost ends as well. I'm open to suggestions.