The Epiphany

I've come to a realization about my writing, and it's left me with a bit of a puzzle. The realization is this: if I'm writing something, and I discover that no one is reading it, then I stop writing it. Unfortunately I've never been the type of person to write simply for the pleasure of it. The truth is I write in an attempt to entertain, which is why I've tried to put a comedic twist on everything I've produced over the past year (I'm speaking specifically about the material I've written for this blog). The problem is that I have continually written about subjects that no one gives a shit about (reality TV, in particular, but I've also realized that recapping TV shows, unless you're intending to make fun of them, is kind of a pointless exercise; if people want to know what happened on a show, they'll watch it themselves).

So where do I go from there? The obvious solution is simply to pander to my audience. It's worked well for many authors (*coughStephanieMeyerscough*), but how do you maintain your integrity if you're just writing what other people want to read? And what, exactly to other people want to read? I've got a wide base of friends (and to be honest, at this point my only readers would be my friends), and their interests are incredibly varied. It'd be difficult to pick one topic to satisfy everyone. Also, if I write strictly for others, how do I maintain artistic integrity?

The answer? I don't care. Who am I kidding; I don't give a shit about artistic integrity. I want to write whatever will make people read me (and in turn will get them to pay me millions of dollars). Don't get me wrong, I certainly hope that it turns out to be something I'll enjoy writing. While comedy is really hard, it's definitely enjoyable, and the payoff when someone tells you they got a laugh out of your work is well worth the stress of trying to find exactly the right words to get your joke across. It's just that for me, my readers' positive reaction to my work is far more of a payoff than any satisfaction I might take from the writing process itself, or from the knowledge that I've told a good story.

I'm not sure what the point of this rambling is, other than to inform you, Dear Reader, that (for now, at least) I am back, but that there will be changes to the format of this blog. I'll be keeping things light around here; my objective is to make you laugh (or if not that, to at least make your day at work a little more tolerable as you read what I write). I'll post random links I find (the "Internet Goodness" portion of Undiscover This is the one part of this site that I feel should remain a staple), funny stories, and random thoughts (most likely about how stupid other people are). I'll definitely try to post at least once a week, but knowing myself, I don't want to make any promises.

So stay tuned, Dear Reader, and together we'll set out to solve the Ultimate Mystery: can Ryan be funny on a semi-consistent basis? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

New Year, New Buzz?

Change seems unlikely.

Right, so by now (if you're even still reading this blog) you've come to realize that a common theme around here involves me coming up with ideas for what to do on this site, doing maybe one or two posts in that vein, and then being entirely too lazy to continue. This is followed by a month-long hiatus in which I spend my evenings playing video games or laying in front of the TV instead of doing anything remotely productive. I'm not going to promise anything, but I'm going to try to update more regularly in the new year. I might go back to doing weekly recaps of one or two shows, because at least then I have some sort of schedule to stick to. If there's a particular show you'd like me to recap, let me know.

Here is some of the other junk that's going on with me:

1. I'm getting a new car. I've never actually bought a car before (the one I'm driving now was given to me by my dad, and the only time I've ever actually been to a dealership was a decade ago, and that was just to test drive a couple. Turns out it's a pretty stressful process, what with trying not to get screwed over on the price and having to do all sorts of research into what car is the best. Right now I'm looking at crossover SUVs, and I'm leaning towards the Chevy Equinox, Ford Escape, or Mazda CX-7. I think the Equinox is my first choice, but I'm test driving them this weekend, so we'll see whether that stays the same.
2. I'm going to try to update more often. Like I said above, I'm going to try to update this site at least once a week. I probably won't do long updates, but at least it's something.
3. I'm going to start writing (finally). One of my pre-Christmas goals was to start working on a novel, and I didn't actually do that. I've adjusted that goal, and I want to at least have a work in progress by May.
4. I quit drinking. This is the big one. I can't really call this a New Year's resolution, since I did have a few drinks on New Year's Day, but the principle stays the same. There are a variety of reasons for me quitting, from being healthy to saving money to not wanting to make an ass out of myself anymore when I drink. So far, so good (although it's only been one weekend). I'm finding the biggest difference is that I don't want to stay out until 2am when I'm not drinking; instead I'm ready to go home by around 11 or 11:30. On the plus side, not drinking means that I can drive, so I don't have to worry about paying for cabs.

That's pretty much all for now. I've got a few ideas for future posts, so if I'm feeling energetic this weekend I might write a movie review or something.

Stay tuned.

Announcement: New Features!

I've got a new Adventures in Alcohol post in the works (and when I say "in the works", I of course mean that I haven't started yet), but I'm having to do some investigative journalism about the night in question, because it was like two years ago and I don't actually remember a lot of it. It'll be up soon though, I hope.

Speaking of journalism, however, I have an announcement to make! I have two new site features that I'm hoping to incorporate into this blog, and I need your help to do it. That's right, Reader, I'm talking to you! The new features are as follows:

Buzz vs. The News

I spend some time every day reading various news sites, and every now and then I'll come across an article that I'll disagree with vehemently, often to the point that I have to pause my iPod so I can angrily re-read the article and think about why I disagree with it so strongly. Now, keep in mind that I have virtually no knowledge of politics, current events, global happenings, history, science, or really anything outside of pop culture, so you can be assured that my opinions are well-founded and totally worthwhile.

So this is where you come in, Dear Reader. If you find an article that you'd like me to read and get angry about, send it to me. You can post a link on my blog, or email it to me at undiscoverthis@live.ca. If the article in question makes me angry enough, who knows? You may see a response posted to this very blog (with appropriate credit given, of course).

Buzz vs. News Commenters

I don't know if I'm the only one who does this, but after reading any given article, I sometimes go to the "Comments" section of the page for the sole purpose of reading peoples' comments and making myself angry. I would seriously recommend this to anyone, because in addition to getting angry, you'll find yourself laughing your ass off at some of these comments. Let's be honest, the only people commenting on articles on msnbc.com are probably people that I disagree with about pretty much everything (and would probably want to punch in the face if I ever met). I'd like to take, say, the five most absurd comments that I find in a given week and dissect them for my (and hopefully your) amusement. So again, if you happen to notice a particularly asinine comment on a news story, please send it along and I'll do my best to highlight its idiocy.

That's all for now. Stay tuned.

UPDATE: I feel like I should clarify, because I've received some comments about this: I'm not asking readers to do my research for me here. I'll be on the lookout for articles and comments that enrage me, and I imagine that most of the ones I write about will be ones that I've found. However, if you happen to see one that you think will piss me off, send it my way. I read a variety of news sites, but my selection is far from exhaustive, and so you may see an article that I might miss.

Site Update: Back

OK, OK, you kids settle down. I know I've been gone for a while, but Daddy's back now so get out of my goddamn liquor cabinet and gather round for some updates. Summer's over, and with it the worst of my period of laziness (hopefully). I want to get this blog swinging again (like your mom *boosh*), so here are some of my plans for the future:

1. There are plenty of NEW SHOWS starting SOON that I will be bringing STRAIGHT from the wilderness of the INTERNET (since I don't have cable) to my eyes back to the INTERNET and into YOUR HOMES. These shows include: Survivor (first post coming either later today or sometime this weekend; and don't worry, unlike last time I promised something like this I actually have the notes written up and I just need to write the post), Fringe, The Amazing Race, and (possibly, depending on how busy I am) Supernatural and Hell's Kitchen. Probably not that last one, since it seemed like no one cared last time I did it, but we'll see.

2. Surprisingly enough, contrary to Prince's predictions, the INTERNET continues to pump out a plethora of INTERNET GOODNESS, and I, your faithful entertainer, will continue to bring you the BEST or WORST of this material. Which one will it be? THAT IS FOR THE GODS TO DECIDE.

3. The coming months appear to be a VERITABLE PARADISE for the video game fan, with such titles as Halo: Reach, Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions, Fallout: New Vegas, Fable III, and Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood being released. I will strive to write FASCINATING and HILARIOUSLY INFORMATIVE reviews of each of these games.

While I'm certain this news has you trembling with anticipation (like your mom *boosh*), I should warn you: I am currently in Vancouver on business, and my hotel is doing everything it can to prevent me from streaming the shows I want to watch (it took me 3 hours to load the premiere of Survivor), and I don't know if I have the patience to deal with that. I'll try to get some Internet Goodness posted this week, and I'll post the Survivor recap soon, but it may not be until next weekend before I really get things up and running again.

So bear with me, ye faithful followers, and soon I shall have you laughing uproariously or shrugging with indifference over that Country which yet lies Undiscovered.

Site Update: Writing and Sweating

Sorry to anyone who cares that I've been so useless in updating the site; there are a couple of reasons. First off, the only regular posts I was making were about Hell's Kitchen, and I've realized that no one but me gives a shit about that show, and even I am having a hard time caring about it these days (especially since they started doing two episodes a week; I can't bring myself to watch two hours of that show in one night). The second reason is that it's hot. You may have heard about this heat wave that's currently having its way with Ontario. I wouldn't have that big of a problem with it, except for the fact that I live in a house with no fucking air conditioning. This means that it's an average of 30 degrees in my room, and I can't stand sitting in front of the computer writing when it's like that (seriously, I sweat as much from 10 minutes of writing in my room as I do from running on the treadmill for half an hour). The heat wave's supposed to break this weekend, so hopefully I'll get something posted this weekend.

In terms of upcoming plans, I'm thinking about trying to write a novel, so I may start documenting the creative process on here. On the more useless side of things, Big Brother starts tomorrow, and while I doubt I'll care enough to write a recap of every episode, I may do a weekly summary of the major events. I realize that people probably care even less about Big Brother than they do about Hell's Kitchen, it's one of the most addicting shows I've ever seen, and there's something fascinating about watching a collection of the worst human beings on the planet (and make no mistake, the Big Brother producers seem to go out of their way each season to find the most reprehensible people they can).

Anyway, bear with me and I'll try to get back to posting on a regular basis.